[ sometimes your best friend dies on you and your life slowly goes downhill from there, and then he dies on you again in heaven and hope it's not a repeat. but—he doesn't mind when taair grips onto his hands. yves watches too, as if letting himself remember the ache of it all, and only at the end does he let his thumbs run over the back of taair's hands to try to ease the trembling.

the emotion from it is... sweet. yves wishes he felt that much over it. instead there's just a vague feeling of guilt. ]

... I'm sorry you had to see that but... I hope you believe me when I say I understand.

[ that sometimes you feel like you have a responsibility to go back, even though you know you will literally be waltzing back into everything you love in ruins ]

It's been hard to admit... but I've started being able to tell people I... don't want to go back to that. I think I could do it, if I really force myself because I know there's more I could do but... [ softly ] it hurts.