If that's the case, then the others must be in awful shape...
[ he will gladly come to take the chair, pulling it out from beside the bed and scooching in once he's settled, bag in his lap and hands curling together around each other to keep from getting up and checking his bandages for like the third time. thursdays are the worst. ]
I brought a few snacks, and some extra blankets, and... truly, I never know exactly how to help when it gets to this point, and end up just bringing around half the store, anyway. [ fussy as ever, but he seems to at least settle, now, exhaling out and looking him over. ]
I'm so sorry - though it seems a likely conclusion it will happen to all of us at some point, I had hoped...
You're fine, don't worry. Not like I ever knew what to do in these situations either.
[ he rarely even goes to see the people who come back from these things on thursday nights, so taair's way ahead of him there. ]
Yeah, at this point I'm doubting anyone'll get out of here without gettin' a turn on one of these. This was just mine, apparently.
[ saying this all very casually, but the emotions feel a little more volatile at the last part, because he really wishes this hadn't been his, actually. ]
[ he's going to worry no matter what - he bites his lip briefly, but nods, listening. that casual tone is wildly at odds with the emotions, and by now fidelio can probably tell that the already observant taair is paying attention.
he makes a soft noise - another little emotional curl of dislike, because it shouldn't have been, none of them should have to do this, but it's background. ]
... You know... [ glancing up to catch his eye, this time - he'll duck his head, if he needs to. ] ... it did help when I returned from my own to talk about what happened. To relieve a burden is to share it with someone else, and... I would be more than happy to help you carry any of yours, Fidelio.
[ he's quiet for a moment, though his emotions are less so — there's warmth and gratitude for the offer, but also flat-out dread at the idea of thinking too hard about some things.
he takes a deep breath and lets it out, closing his eyes for a brief moment. ]
I'm gonna be honest, I don't know if I want to talk about the first part of it too much while this emotion-sharin' shite's still goin' on.
[ and not when it's this raw. ]
The latter half, though, I don't mind talkin' about my part of that one.
[ the worry never quite fades through this, but it's a valid reason. he can feel all of that whirl of anxiety, after all, and in fidelio's shoes... well, maybe he'd not want to share, either. he barely told anyone the full story of what happened to him, after all.
after a beat, he pauses - hesitates, fingers curling a little in midair, and then reaches to take one of his hands in both of his. it's a gentle touch, careful not to agitate any wounds or move too much, but once he settles there, he give a small squeeze. ]
[ lacing their fingers together... it's nice, and he gives another little smile before he begins. ]
...Well. It was in Richie's world.
[ he has no idea what memshares people got from him and how much this means to anyone, but he figures it at least gives an idea of the kind of world it was, whether any other implications come with it or not. ]
Some friend of his met us when we first woke up, gave us this mission to help with. We were s'posed to give this history manuscript to this fella who'd been workin' on it and help get their friends out of the building they were stayin' at.
Spent the first part of it as kids growin' up in town with him and his friends, but...
[ just THE THREAT OF VERY BAD FEELINGS LURKING so he skips ahead ]
...It weren't 'til way later that that mission actually came into it. Skipped forward a few decades and... it was confusing at that point, 'cause we remembered those earlier lives in that world but also everything here. Or at least I did, we were all separated for this part.
Anyway, I had the manuscript for some reason? And the person we were s'posed to give it to was in the hospital. Lady Junah and I were both there to see him, or so I thought, but. She started actin' real weird, askin' for the papers and tryin' to convince me to put him out of his misery, so... booked it out of there and went to find that building.
well. listen, there are some Implications in. all of this, actually!! but he stays true to his word, and does not press when the bad emotions start to rise, even if his own twist a little: mostly dread, but a little thread of (probably unsurprising) curiosity.
what he does do is gently squeeze fidelio's hand between his own, encouraging, and quietly listens to the story as he continues past that awful tangle of bad. it's terrifying to think that it happened when they were children, actually - whether people have lived hard lives or not, the deeply traumatized look on the three of them when they returned was enough - but he sets it aside for now, letting the talk of the manuscript ping at his dread a little further, and bites his lip, thinking. ]
My adventure was a bit like that, too. [ both with the time traveling decade skipping and the memory of other lives. ] I ended up lingering, thinking that I had lived that life even still for a few days after.
[ as many of the other adventurers had on these week to week, awful trips. absently, he strokes his thumb across the side of his hand, processing the rest of the story - the mention of lady junah gets a sympathetic squeeze of his hands and a deeper frown, too. that's just cruelty. ]
...how awful, of whatever this place is - to use the faces of those we care for against us. Did she give chase...?
Remember you sayin' something along those lines. I haven't got any confusion about that, at least. Still remember living that whole life in vivid detail, though.
[ maybe it was actually a good thing that it wasn't a very long life. ]
...Nah. Might've just had limitations to what she could do, I got the feeling she was havin' to ask me to kill the man 'cause she couldn't do it herself. Might've been she couldn't leave that hospital either.
[ honestly thank god it wasn't a long life!!! this sounds awful enough!
he frowns a little about that, too - but, at least he didn't get beat up by junah. that would've been terrible, and he's heard tale of similar from some of the others across these different adventures.
but, right. back onto the story itself - he prompts, soft: ]
...Were you successful in finding it? The building.
Yeah, and the kid from the beginning showed up and gave me a list of a few room numbers to go to. One was a couple of people from that world, Richie's friends, and the other two were people from here.
...You were up on the top floor. Richie's friends, I told them what was happenin' and they got out of there, went to meet up with some of the others. The two of you from here I took along with me, back down to the lobby. That was when we finally all met up again.
[ he's just... not going to say under what circumstances because it isn't his business... though his feelings sort of betray him a little again, because they are very mixed and complicated rather than just relieved like you might expect. ]
Barely got to say two words to 'em before the police showed up shooting at everyone. Along with that monster, who seemed to be gettin' a real kick out of it.
[ he hates that fucking clown so much. ]
...And then we all died, and that was that, basically. [ ... ] Sort of succeeded in what we were meant to do, at least.
[ oh. well, that answers that question. there's a little ping of startled, at first - it's not like he hasn't heard of similar before. he saw marcoh and neverah both all those weeks ago, which had been jarring beyond belief, but... this is the first time he's heard his own name, and it's a strange feeling.
more or less, he can put together what happened at the end - what goes unsaid says a lot, and he falls quiet, brows knit together, letting fidelio's experience reflect back onto him for a long, thoughtful pause. those feelings of complication, the absolute misery of shadowheart and anders, and...
when he speaks again, it's soft, looking not at fidelio but at the bed as he chooses his words. ]
I think that these... adventures are so often designed to be impossible for anyone to succeed entirely. They are designed to hit us where it hurts the most, no matter where that is, or how they achieve it - physically, mentally, and otherwise.
[ beyond the partial success of the mission, there's a weight implied in what he says. he knows that it must have hurt him, even if he can't quite put his finger on exactly why, beyond the image of a firefight in an evacuating building, and bodies on the floor.
... ]
... Though it does not surprise me... thank you, for trying to keep me safe. [ some version of him, anyway, and it's followed with a gentle squeeze of his hand, as he sets his gaze back on del. ] A different person may have just run away, especially if they knew that we may not be ourselves, at all, but rather some illusion.
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no subject
Yeah, I don't mind.
[ and there's a chair over here, so. ]
Didn't get it so bad as the others anyway.
[ at least, like. mentally. the gunshots weren't great. ]
no subject
[ he will gladly come to take the chair, pulling it out from beside the bed and scooching in once he's settled, bag in his lap and hands curling together around each other to keep from getting up and checking his bandages for like the third time. thursdays are the worst. ]
I brought a few snacks, and some extra blankets, and... truly, I never know exactly how to help when it gets to this point, and end up just bringing around half the store, anyway. [ fussy as ever, but he seems to at least settle, now, exhaling out and looking him over. ]
I'm so sorry - though it seems a likely conclusion it will happen to all of us at some point, I had hoped...
no subject
You're fine, don't worry. Not like I ever knew what to do in these situations either.
[ he rarely even goes to see the people who come back from these things on thursday nights, so taair's way ahead of him there. ]
Yeah, at this point I'm doubting anyone'll get out of here without gettin' a turn on one of these. This was just mine, apparently.
[ saying this all very casually, but the emotions feel a little more volatile at the last part, because he really wishes this hadn't been his, actually. ]
no subject
he makes a soft noise - another little emotional curl of dislike, because it shouldn't have been, none of them should have to do this, but it's background. ]
... You know... [ glancing up to catch his eye, this time - he'll duck his head, if he needs to. ] ... it did help when I returned from my own to talk about what happened. To relieve a burden is to share it with someone else, and... I would be more than happy to help you carry any of yours, Fidelio.
no subject
he takes a deep breath and lets it out, closing his eyes for a brief moment. ]
I'm gonna be honest, I don't know if I want to talk about the first part of it too much while this emotion-sharin' shite's still goin' on.
[ and not when it's this raw. ]
The latter half, though, I don't mind talkin' about my part of that one.
no subject
after a beat, he pauses - hesitates, fingers curling a little in midair, and then reaches to take one of his hands in both of his. it's a gentle touch, careful not to agitate any wounds or move too much, but once he settles there, he give a small squeeze. ]
Whatever you want to say, I'll listen.
no subject
...Well. It was in Richie's world.
[ he has no idea what memshares people got from him and how much this means to anyone, but he figures it at least gives an idea of the kind of world it was, whether any other implications come with it or not. ]
Some friend of his met us when we first woke up, gave us this mission to help with. We were s'posed to give this history manuscript to this fella who'd been workin' on it and help get their friends out of the building they were stayin' at.
Spent the first part of it as kids growin' up in town with him and his friends, but...
[ just THE THREAT OF VERY BAD FEELINGS LURKING so he skips ahead ]
...It weren't 'til way later that that mission actually came into it. Skipped forward a few decades and... it was confusing at that point, 'cause we remembered those earlier lives in that world but also everything here. Or at least I did, we were all separated for this part.
Anyway, I had the manuscript for some reason? And the person we were s'posed to give it to was in the hospital. Lady Junah and I were both there to see him, or so I thought, but. She started actin' real weird, askin' for the papers and tryin' to convince me to put him out of his misery, so... booked it out of there and went to find that building.
no subject
well. listen, there are some Implications in. all of this, actually!! but he stays true to his word, and does not press when the bad emotions start to rise, even if his own twist a little: mostly dread, but a little thread of (probably unsurprising) curiosity.
what he does do is gently squeeze fidelio's hand between his own, encouraging, and quietly listens to the story as he continues past that awful tangle of bad. it's terrifying to think that it happened when they were children, actually - whether people have lived hard lives or not, the deeply traumatized look on the three of them when they returned was enough - but he sets it aside for now, letting the talk of the manuscript ping at his dread a little further, and bites his lip, thinking. ]
My adventure was a bit like that, too. [ both with the time traveling decade skipping and the memory of other lives. ] I ended up lingering, thinking that I had lived that life even still for a few days after.
[ as many of the other adventurers had on these week to week, awful trips. absently, he strokes his thumb across the side of his hand, processing the rest of the story - the mention of lady junah gets a sympathetic squeeze of his hands and a deeper frown, too. that's just cruelty. ]
...how awful, of whatever this place is - to use the faces of those we care for against us. Did she give chase...?
no subject
Remember you sayin' something along those lines. I haven't got any confusion about that, at least. Still remember living that whole life in vivid detail, though.
[ maybe it was actually a good thing that it wasn't a very long life. ]
...Nah. Might've just had limitations to what she could do, I got the feeling she was havin' to ask me to kill the man 'cause she couldn't do it herself. Might've been she couldn't leave that hospital either.
no subject
he frowns a little about that, too - but, at least he didn't get beat up by junah. that would've been terrible, and he's heard tale of similar from some of the others across these different adventures.
but, right. back onto the story itself - he prompts, soft: ]
...Were you successful in finding it? The building.
no subject
...You were up on the top floor. Richie's friends, I told them what was happenin' and they got out of there, went to meet up with some of the others. The two of you from here I took along with me, back down to the lobby. That was when we finally all met up again.
[ he's just... not going to say under what circumstances because it isn't his business... though his feelings sort of betray him a little again, because they are very mixed and complicated rather than just relieved like you might expect. ]
Barely got to say two words to 'em before the police showed up shooting at everyone. Along with that monster, who seemed to be gettin' a real kick out of it.
[ he hates that fucking clown so much. ]
...And then we all died, and that was that, basically. [ ... ] Sort of succeeded in what we were meant to do, at least.
[ partly... ]
no subject
more or less, he can put together what happened at the end - what goes unsaid says a lot, and he falls quiet, brows knit together, letting fidelio's experience reflect back onto him for a long, thoughtful pause. those feelings of complication, the absolute misery of shadowheart and anders, and...
when he speaks again, it's soft, looking not at fidelio but at the bed as he chooses his words. ]
I think that these... adventures are so often designed to be impossible for anyone to succeed entirely. They are designed to hit us where it hurts the most, no matter where that is, or how they achieve it - physically, mentally, and otherwise.
[ beyond the partial success of the mission, there's a weight implied in what he says. he knows that it must have hurt him, even if he can't quite put his finger on exactly why, beyond the image of a firefight in an evacuating building, and bodies on the floor.
... ]
... Though it does not surprise me... thank you, for trying to keep me safe. [ some version of him, anyway, and it's followed with a gentle squeeze of his hand, as he sets his gaze back on del. ] A different person may have just run away, especially if they knew that we may not be ourselves, at all, but rather some illusion.