Just— Elysia specifically asked if I had somethin' going on with you, so I said sort of. And I thanked Yves for the push 'cause he just died horribly and I figured I should let him know his efforts weren't for nothing.
[ well, there you go - he's still turning pink, and he laughs, but it's more helpless than it is anything else, because it is kind of funny and also very sweet with the bit about yves, and how he probably never would have known without thought share.... which is very useful when it's not very embarrassing!
anyway! flustered little laugh aside - ] Both fair points! Well, that's all alright... It isn't as if it's necessarily any sort of secret. Yves spoke with me about it before, as well... actually, I think it may be far less private than I originally thought, based on a conversation or two...
[ though... there's a beat - he peeks over at fidelio, and... after a moment, tucks a lock of his own hair behind his ear, smile a little shy. ]
At any rate... I do quite like our something. [ whatever it might be, or whatever it might become. ] Whether anyone knows or otherwise.
Well, you did also sort of announce to everyone who can see the network last week that... [ clears his throat. ] You know. Me or Claude.
[ the dead can see that, apparently, so... probably shouldn't come as a surprise that the people who are interested in that sort of thing latched onto it. ]
But. Yeah, I like it too. [ with a bit of a sheepish smile. ] And I mean, it's not anybody's business, but. Don't really feel like it's somethin' I need to deny either, unless you felt that way.
[ which... well. not like i can't see why someone would. ]
Ah - I wasn't the only person who -- [ there's no point in trying to defend that, actually, and he sighs, ears very red. ] I didn't think anyone would read that much into it...
[ naive, naive fool who did not understand the power of the rumor mill.
though. teasing aside - he's going to say something else, but fidelio's last bit and his thought stop him. if he's not that close, he immediately shifts to close the distance, and takes one of his hands to hold it between his own, and tilts his head to make sure they make eye contact. ]
Of course I don't feel that way. [ as sincere as sincere could possibly be, any embarrassment going right out the window (at least temporarily): ] In fact - I feel that I am quite lucky, that I get to experience these things for the first time with someone like you.
in response, he can't help but huff a little laugh of his own, affectionate and fond, and shakes his head, squeezing his hand between his once more. sincerity comes easier to taair than nigh anything in the world. ] It is hardly any trouble for me to tell you the truth, Fidelio - there is no reason to apologize. I was the one who intruded a bit on your privacy... though, at the moment, I can't say I'm all that sorry for it.
[ there's a little teasing lilt to his tone at the end, there - when he does release his hand finally, he pauses, and... then gently laces their fingers together, instead, one to one, other falling easy into his lap. its his turn to look away, now, cheeks a little pink. ]
I do not know that I am much the sort to shout this kind of thing from the rooftops, truly. [ I dare not jinx myself. he thinks, distantly. each step forward in this is a tentative one, a careful exploration of possibility, of tiny joys. he can't let himself have it in giant strides, lest - lest it be taken away, somehow. three steps out of the cage, three steps back in. but it's a simple, honest truth that feels a little vulnerable to admit, as he murmurs: ] I would like to hold it close and experience it for myself, and for you, and... the rest of the world can wait, a little while.
[ a beat. ] - That, and, well, our friends are all terribly gossipy, aren't they? I don't mind, it's quite kind that they are so invested, but, they could stand to perhaps be a tiny bit less invested.
Trust me, I was never gonna be shoutin' anything from any rooftops either. They've got all they're gonna get.
[ he is not at all the type to go around talking about personal things unless there's good reason for it, and he thinks big shows of affection and grand gestures — honestly, pretty much any personal attention at all — are just embarrassing. but he's not the type to go out of his way to keep secrets without good reason either, and while he'll deflect to hell and back in some cases, he isn't going to tell any lies besides the ones he tells himself.
the fear of jinxing everything by accepting anything good, though... that's real and it's familiar, something he's been paranoid about himself in other respects ever since the start of this. and he supposes it makes sense that someone who'd spent so much time in isolation would be especially fearful in a situation like this, where they would be at risk of losing not only their first potential romantic relationship but one of their first close relationships of any kind.
he squeezes his hand, looking a little thoughtful for a moment before adding more softly— ]
...The responses from those two, though, they were real nice. Elysia didn't dig for any more details, just said she was happy about it. Yves asked if I'd convinced you to "grasp for just a little more hope and freedom"... and said to tell you the obituary made him tear up and he misses you.
[ and also his usual overzealous cupid shite but. it's fine, his heart's in the right place. ]
ah... really, that doesn't surprise him either. elysia loves this sort of thing, and she is so always looking to other's happiness, so of course she was kind about it. and yves...
... well, those words stop him for a moment, and he huffs, softly. Just a little more hope and freedom...
it isn't as if he's ever lost hope - in fact, that flame of his is tiny but no less bright for it, his hope for a warmer future for iria, for a world of peace that could finally be achieved. the latter is more complicated, and for not the first time this week, he tentatively thinks of what the future could be. it's a terrifying thing, to be so close to a dream, and so far away. to try to think too much on redemption is to allow himself... well.
his thoughts briefly scribble over his head, and he shakes it to clear it, thumb absently stroking over the side of fidelio's hand. ]
I'll have to write him again. [ silly. ] Thank you, for sharing.
[ and after another long, thoughtful moment - he chuckles a little, shaking his head. ]
...Your brother and Yves both nearly hunted me down on Monday, after... that fiasco, with the rule-breaking, and they both had the same thing to say. Well - to sing your praises, so, I suppose two of the same things. [ a bit lighter, but it softens after, more vulnerable, honest. ] ....But, to remind me, that especially here - we ought to tell the people we care for that we care for them, while we are able to.
[ which feels especially prescient in the wake of last week's events, but taair keeps that to himself. ] They did have a good point, too.
... I am still learning what it means, to be happy. To seek freedom. I don't know if I will ever be any less of a coward. [ a little wry, but he huffs a tiny laugh and lifts his gaze to actually look at him, rueful but warm. ] But I do know that spending time with you makes me very happy, indeed.
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no subject
[ NOT THAT THERE ARE EVEN THAT MANY DETAILS ]
Just— Elysia specifically asked if I had somethin' going on with you, so I said sort of. And I thanked Yves for the push 'cause he just died horribly and I figured I should let him know his efforts weren't for nothing.
no subject
[ well, there you go - he's still turning pink, and he laughs, but it's more helpless than it is anything else, because it is kind of funny and also very sweet with the bit about yves, and how he probably never would have known without thought share.... which is very useful when it's not very embarrassing!
anyway! flustered little laugh aside - ] Both fair points! Well, that's all alright... It isn't as if it's necessarily any sort of secret. Yves spoke with me about it before, as well... actually, I think it may be far less private than I originally thought, based on a conversation or two...
[ though... there's a beat - he peeks over at fidelio, and... after a moment, tucks a lock of his own hair behind his ear, smile a little shy. ]
At any rate... I do quite like our something. [ whatever it might be, or whatever it might become. ] Whether anyone knows or otherwise.
no subject
[ the dead can see that, apparently, so... probably shouldn't come as a surprise that the people who are interested in that sort of thing latched onto it. ]
But. Yeah, I like it too. [ with a bit of a sheepish smile. ] And I mean, it's not anybody's business, but. Don't really feel like it's somethin' I need to deny either, unless you felt that way.
[ which... well. not like i can't see why someone would. ]
no subject
Ah - I wasn't the only person who -- [ there's no point in trying to defend that, actually, and he sighs, ears very red. ] I didn't think anyone would read that much into it...
[ naive, naive fool who did not understand the power of the rumor mill.
though. teasing aside - he's going to say something else, but fidelio's last bit and his thought stop him. if he's not that close, he immediately shifts to close the distance, and takes one of his hands to hold it between his own, and tilts his head to make sure they make eye contact. ]
Of course I don't feel that way. [ as sincere as sincere could possibly be, any embarrassment going right out the window (at least temporarily): ] In fact - I feel that I am quite lucky, that I get to experience these things for the first time with someone like you.
no subject
...God. Sorry, wasn't tryin' to guilt trip you or fish for compliments or nothin'. Can't get me own head to belt up sometimes.
[ this effect is so much worse than even the emotion one was.
but he smiles when he meets taair's eyes again. ]
I'm glad you feel that way, though. Think I'm pretty lucky too.
no subject
in response, he can't help but huff a little laugh of his own, affectionate and fond, and shakes his head, squeezing his hand between his once more. sincerity comes easier to taair than nigh anything in the world. ] It is hardly any trouble for me to tell you the truth, Fidelio - there is no reason to apologize. I was the one who intruded a bit on your privacy... though, at the moment, I can't say I'm all that sorry for it.
[ there's a little teasing lilt to his tone at the end, there - when he does release his hand finally, he pauses, and... then gently laces their fingers together, instead, one to one, other falling easy into his lap. its his turn to look away, now, cheeks a little pink. ]
I do not know that I am much the sort to shout this kind of thing from the rooftops, truly. [ I dare not jinx myself. he thinks, distantly. each step forward in this is a tentative one, a careful exploration of possibility, of tiny joys. he can't let himself have it in giant strides, lest - lest it be taken away, somehow. three steps out of the cage, three steps back in. but it's a simple, honest truth that feels a little vulnerable to admit, as he murmurs: ] I would like to hold it close and experience it for myself, and for you, and... the rest of the world can wait, a little while.
[ a beat. ] - That, and, well, our friends are all terribly gossipy, aren't they? I don't mind, it's quite kind that they are so invested, but, they could stand to perhaps be a tiny bit less invested.
[ fond!!! but also. my god. ]
no subject
[ he is not at all the type to go around talking about personal things unless there's good reason for it, and he thinks big shows of affection and grand gestures — honestly, pretty much any personal attention at all — are just embarrassing. but he's not the type to go out of his way to keep secrets without good reason either, and while he'll deflect to hell and back in some cases, he isn't going to tell any lies besides the ones he tells himself.
the fear of jinxing everything by accepting anything good, though... that's real and it's familiar, something he's been paranoid about himself in other respects ever since the start of this. and he supposes it makes sense that someone who'd spent so much time in isolation would be especially fearful in a situation like this, where they would be at risk of losing not only their first potential romantic relationship but one of their first close relationships of any kind.
he squeezes his hand, looking a little thoughtful for a moment before adding more softly— ]
...The responses from those two, though, they were real nice. Elysia didn't dig for any more details, just said she was happy about it. Yves asked if I'd convinced you to "grasp for just a little more hope and freedom"... and said to tell you the obituary made him tear up and he misses you.
[ and also his usual overzealous cupid shite but. it's fine, his heart's in the right place. ]
no subject
ah... really, that doesn't surprise him either. elysia loves this sort of thing, and she is so always looking to other's happiness, so of course she was kind about it. and yves...
... well, those words stop him for a moment, and he huffs, softly. Just a little more hope and freedom...
it isn't as if he's ever lost hope - in fact, that flame of his is tiny but no less bright for it, his hope for a warmer future for iria, for a world of peace that could finally be achieved. the latter is more complicated, and for not the first time this week, he tentatively thinks of what the future could be. it's a terrifying thing, to be so close to a dream, and so far away. to try to think too much on redemption is to allow himself... well.
his thoughts briefly scribble over his head, and he shakes it to clear it, thumb absently stroking over the side of fidelio's hand. ]
I'll have to write him again. [ silly. ] Thank you, for sharing.
[ and after another long, thoughtful moment - he chuckles a little, shaking his head. ]
...Your brother and Yves both nearly hunted me down on Monday, after... that fiasco, with the rule-breaking, and they both had the same thing to say. Well - to sing your praises, so, I suppose two of the same things. [ a bit lighter, but it softens after, more vulnerable, honest. ] ....But, to remind me, that especially here - we ought to tell the people we care for that we care for them, while we are able to.
[ which feels especially prescient in the wake of last week's events, but taair keeps that to himself. ] They did have a good point, too.
... I am still learning what it means, to be happy. To seek freedom. I don't know if I will ever be any less of a coward. [ a little wry, but he huffs a tiny laugh and lifts his gaze to actually look at him, rueful but warm. ] But I do know that spending time with you makes me very happy, indeed.