historicals | pc catchall | turboheaven

Does that sound like me...?

[ though

his tone is obviously teasing. he knows that taair has him clocked. he smiles around the rim of his own glass before he takes a sip, mulling over the answer to the question ]

I'm... tired. Saddened. I'm holding it together, for sure, but... There's no denying today was hard for everyone.

Some more than others. [ jiaoqiu ]

[ he gives him a knowing look at the teasing commentary, but nods, for now just holding the glass in his hands, absently swirling the liquid inside.

of course, his mind goes to jiaoqiu too. the look on his face, the empty smile - it was all too familiar. too heartbreaking, to watch. ]

... yes. [ softly. ] There must be a special sort of grief, for what happened in those last few moments. An unfathomable amount of pain, but... no regrets, or so the general has said.

I find myself reflecting on it, but the magnitude of the day's events feels so large.

[ he'd normally take taair's hand here but the seagull is present... so he'll just place a hand on his shoulder instead ]

... piece by piece, I think.

Or else... there's just too much heartbreak for any one person to hold.

...Oh, I don't know. With time, one can hold quite a bit.

[ what a cryptic thing to say!! but, despite the slight flinches away earlier, it seems he's relaxed a bit more since trial, and in private, he leans into the little gesture. the bird is an attention thief it's fine. ]

But... I see what you mean. [ piece by little piece. here, finally, he'll take a sip from his glass. ] ... I think that I understand why Jiaoqiu spoke up, at the end, the way that he did.

[ WHAT A CRYPTIC THING TO SAY!!!! yves looks a little confused - but then taair is leaning into the gesture and so yves scoots so it's easier for him to tuck taair right under his arm cozily ]

... yeah. [ just. agreeing. ] I think I would've done the same thing.

[ because yves is stupid and too loving for his own good ]

[ he probably needs this hug so bad i'm gonna be real. he leans a little into it, and then a little further. okay. ]

I can't say that I'm all that surprised by that. [ very softly again - there's fondness to it, too, because that open lovingness is a very, very positive trait, but still, something is troubling him, and clearly so.

deep breath. in, and out. ]

... I don't know. To bring the true story of an event to light is important - to me, perhaps more important than many things. To bring justice, or at least closure, when someone was taken away so violently - closure is more than many people get to have.

But... I don't know that it sits well with me, to take the agency of someone away, either.

Edited 2025-02-16 04:05 (UTC)

[ ohhhh sweetheart. yves shifts to accommodate that lean immediately, leaning taair curl into him without missing a beat at all. they can cuddle the first trial blues away ]

... every person in that room gets one choice.

[ just one vote. ]

I think they made their choice with Charlie in mind, because she deserves to know we care about her enough to figure out what happened to her. I think that makes sense.

... but I think it's okay, if some other people wanted to make a choice just to save Jiao's peace of mind even a little.

And then... the results are just all those little choices put together, because our hearts all beat just a little differently.

It's a bit funny, if only that... well. Iria once thrived under a system not so dissimilar, where a wise council voted to steer the country forward. Now, under a long-running monarchy, that feels like a brilliant, beautiful dream. And living a piece of it, small as it is... it makes me wonder how they felt, when the choices they made were not ones they necessarily agreed upon. Or, moreso, when those choices had consequences. How reality tends to pour water on the rose colored visions of what once was.

[ like a nerd, he has to bring it back to this kind of thing, but it's how he processes. the paradise of the witengamot maybe wasn't that much of a paradise. these perspectives are so important to consider, no matter the context.

he finally takes a sip of his drink, slow, thoughtful, letting it swirl through his memories. ]

In the end, I chose to vote for the truth. But... my heart aches, in doing so. I can empathize so much with how it feels to be powerless.

[ yves listens along, thoughtful and quiet. he likes hearing about taair's home. he feels like he always learns a lot in their conversations. ]

... it's alright to have the heartache. Just because you make one decision doesn't mean that it fails to come with its own set of regrets, even if you wouldn't choose differently.

I think... if I had any doubts about the way the vote would've gone, I still might not have voted for Jiao. [ he wasn't exactly subtle about going to change his mind ]

But... if I was in his place, I would've wanted everyone to vote for me. I wanted to acknowledge that, at least. In what ways I could.

And I don't think... either of these choices are wrong. They're difficult, and all we can do is... well, our best.

Well said.

[ that is all they can really do, is their best in the moment. especially given these circumstances. the short time frame. the unprofessional desperation of forty people trying to find an answer. jing yuan's... behavior, too, that still sticks out like a splinter in the knuckles, raw and red.

he absently pats his bird friend, once, twice, and brings his gaze up again to the stars overhead. ]

To have choices at all in life is a new experience for me - and I know, that there are so, so few choices in life that are universally agreed upon. But... at least to have the choice at all does matter. And there is much to consider in what it means to choose in the face of duty, in the face of love, and... the face of their own fates, too.

[ taair does finally glances up at that, and gives yves a small, soft smile. ]

Thank you, my friend. It's a little clarity I think I needed to hear.

[ when taair gives him a smile, it's automatic for yves to give one back. there's still a tiredness to his expression, expected after 9 hours of rushed work, but the warmth is sincere. ]

Pretty sure I'm just talking whatever comes to mind but... if it could help you at all, Taair, then I'm satisfied.

[ choices. there is nothing in this world but choices. the little things they can do and affect in small ways, because the heavens feel too big to rebel against.

for now. ]

I hope you make choices that aren't too heavy for you to carry. But if they ever are... you know where to find me. I'll do my best to make the weight half.

I think the ability to speak your mind freely with no hesitations is a fine conversation to be had between friends.

[ please continue to blurt out whatever you are thinking. he loves that. really, it's just nice to talk to others and hear the perspectives at all, and to do so candidly with friends is a blessing beyond compare. he's tired, too. worn out from more socializing all week, worn out from the horrors of the day, the sorrow of their situation - but it's made all the more better in the quiet company of a new friend.

he takes a sip from his wine, nursing it. taair does not have a good alcohol tolerance - even just a bit has his cheeks taking on a flush, too pale for anything otherwise - and the drink makes him feel sleepy warm, softening the blunt edges of a terrible saturday. ]

I appreciate that more than I could truly put into words, Yves. [ just as sincere. just as genuine, he looks up at him. ] Truly. And I would simply ask that no matter how strong your shoulders are, you would remember I'd be happy to help do the same.

pc catchall | turboheaven | yves

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