historicals | pc catchall | turboheaven

[

upsetting. he tries not to let it show too much on his face but... this response is... upsetting. ]

... who is it that kept you?

[ haha! yeah! he's still just - completely lacking. it's like something inside of him has died. ]

Ah. Well, I am very lucky. My dear guardian has become my advisor. She ensures I do not overly stress myself. Isn't it nice?

... do you really think it's nice?

[ softly wondering ]

Are you happy?

I exist.

[ so. that's that. ]

And Iria is need of a king.

[ okay. again an upsetting answer but at least yves keeps his expression in check again. his fingers still for only a moment before he continues ]

... do you feel anything, anymore, Taair?

[ or is that not right for a king? ]

[ he turns his head to look at yves again - looks at him for a long moment, like he has to consider the question. and then... there it is, the little smile, this time enough to close his eyes. exhaustion, on a thin face. ]

I try not to. [ feel anything. ] It's better, that way.

[ EVERY ANSWER IS THE MORE UPSETTING THAN THE LAST!!

but there is a moment where yves feels this terribly distinct heartache. it catches him a little off-guard, and he needs to process it before he says something too rash. ]

... I don't think it is. [ softly ] You're a person who deserves to be happy. Who deserves so much more than... any of this.

...that's very kind. Thank you.

[ the weight feels a little heavier, and he dips a bit, head tilting further to the side. eyelids heavy, too. ]

That sort of thing has never been meant for me. [ ... ] I'm very tired, Yves.

[ . . . ]

Anyone would be tired, after what you've gone through.

[ and he'll shift to make it easier for taair to lean on him, his head come up to gently guide his head onto his shoulder ]

But please... don't reject a life of freedom. Of joys and curiosity and the occasional sorrow.

[ don't reject a life of freedom, he says. it would be nice, wouldn't it? just like earlier this week, amid silly debates. what's more important, love or freedom? and taair's answer, with no hesitation, was the latter.

he just makes a soft, sleepy noise, and goes where he is guided. head on his shoulder, he closes his eyes, long hair falling into his face, and takes a slow, deep breath. it takes a beat. one, two.

and then, bit by bit, all those little changes revert, and it's taair as he normally is once more. he blinks as if awakening from a long nap, dazed, and lifts his head. ]

....Yves? [ ??? ]

[ yves watches and - breathes a sigh of relief once taair returns back to himself. taair lifts his head and looks at him with comprehending eyes and a fully emotional expression and—

yves just turns so that he can wrap both his arms around him in a hug and pull him close ]

... hi.

Ah -?

[ ah!!!!! it's not unusual for yves to be affectionate, of course, but this startles him - he'd poof up like a ghibli character if he could. instead, his hands flutter, and he eventually brings them up to gently curl in the back of his clothes. ]

Hello...? [ god his head hurts. ] Are you alright, Yves? What...

[ is he alright? it's hard for him to say. to see taair going through something like that, and getting some sense that it's how things could be... ]

I feel like I should be asking you that but... it's okay if it doesn't make much sense right now.

I just...

[ how does he find the words to articulate what he wants? how much he wants for taair? ]

... Can I ask you for something selfish?

...You can ask me for anything.

[ soft and genuine, a truth - for such a dear friendship, of course, the answer is anything. his hands curl a little tighter, and then one lifts to gently rub between his shoulders. he's distressed, and... the memories of the hazy past twenty minutes or so are starting to filter back, so it's nice, to focus a bit more on the concern for his dear friend. ]

What is it?

[ he can ask for anything, but he doesn't know that it'll be granted. and that's fine. yves knows this is selfish. it's asking for a lot from someone who is clearly so willing to give—and maybe he knows a little bit about that. when it comes to himself, or when it comes to others.

and maybe he doesn't want to just watch and wait anymore.

he'll shift so he can thunk his forehead lightly against taair's ]

... please don't give up on your freedom. [ after all that those silly little debates brought up ] Please say no, if you're asked to do something you don't want to.

I know things must be complicated, and there must be so much I don't understand...

But—your happiness is worth it.

[ ...oh.

i'll do anything, he said. but some things are so much harder to do. some things go beyond taair khalisa nasir, as they have gone beyond him for his entire life. some things are laced deep into his bloodline, into his standing, into his upbringing, and some things do not come out. freedom has been this place, in some ways - the first week of bliss, before realizing how horribly things here could go wrong - but that came with a price. worse, it came with a "but". another duty. a reminder.

he's quiet, as the forehead bonk comes - a little surprised by it, even - and he swallows, hard. instinctively, his eyes close, though whether it's from an intimate distance or the fact that this conversation is a hard one, is hard to say.

my happiness has never mattered. he does not say. he just breathes out, a soft sigh, and there are echoes even here of that soft, sad smile. ]

... I will try. [ because... that's all he can really offer - because it is complex. ] ...thank you, my dear friend. For caring so very much.

Of course I care about you. I do love you, you know.

[ even if he understands that sometimes that's not enough. and it's why he accepts trying, because... sometimes all you can do is try. try to escape, try to get a taste of a life that you want, instead of the one that you're bound to.

though he understands that some choices aren't that easy. when he's been called the self-sacrificial hero time and time again, how can he pretend that it's such a simple thing to choose your own happiness when he never does?

but... for taair, he becomes a hypocrite. he doesn't look back about it. ]

... I won't overstep but... as long as you know that there are people who'd do anything, just to give you a chance at your own happy ending on your own terms.

pc catchall | turboheaven | yves

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