[ despite the response from the dove, and his continuing to pet it for a moment, his expression does not change from extreme neutrality. his tone, as well, a far cry from the one that spoke of hopeful futures yesterday.
the only perhaps encouraging response is that he does lean back against taair's side with a shaky exhale. ]
I have some... bad thoughts. I don't know if I should say them out loud.
Putting voice to such things to someone or something safe is the only thing that keeps them from festering.
[ this is part of why he talked to birds, but more than that - he wants to reiterate that chrono can always do so with him, too. jack starts grooming at chrono's hair as he comes in closer. extra fuss. ]
[ animals love his hair one way or another at least
he knows there's logic in taair's words, and he's infinitely grateful for his presence and patience. but, as always, he doesn't wish to burden others with his own problems. especially not those already hurting. it takes a long time for him to resolve to trust in taair's words before his own emotions, as dulled as they currently felt. ]
I have this horrible feeling that we missed a lot. [ ...he grips his drink hard enough that the plastic makes a sound of protest. ] It doesn't add up. I- I don't think it was just Mr. Lucas.
[ ah. he's quiet for a moment, even to the sound of the bottle crinkling - and eventually, softly: ] You are not the first person to tell me so this evening.
It's natural to be afraid. After all, we've missed others before. [ all of these things are true, and said with taair's usual measured calmness, as he gives weight to the consideration for a moment, himself. ]
But... I do think we were correct - I do think they were all him. Not only was there evidence to match him at each sight, but...
From what I have heard from others, in the span of his memories, it is not the first time he has killed more than one person, either. [ which is like. devastating, actually, considering the circumstances - he bites his lip, brow furrowing briefly. ] I believe that it is likely the 'entity' manipulated him into thinking that Yves, Jacopo and Saber were all "relivers" as opposed to people. And in the doctrine of his church, 'relivers' must be killed.
[ it shouldn't be surprising, that others shared his doubts. yet, it kind of is - a reassurance, a relief, but taair's explanation also clashes wildly with it. "relivers"... the name alone says enough, to bring a kind of imagery to his mental state. his head hurts, so he leans even more weakly against taair's side. ]
I went to go see him. When we talked... he was insistent about not hurting Yves. He kind of... drifted, when I asked about it more. But for Saber-san and Mr. Jacopo, there wasn't a problem.
[ a thought breaks his expression, then. a reminder of his own moments of uncertainty. drifting. the mental oilslick that thoughts simply skated off. ]
I guess... it could be repression. After all that. But there's still things that don't make sense, like the smoke and the [ exhales. ] burns. Compared to the other two, that kind of thing just doesn't match.
I must wonder if he even thought of Yves as "Yves". The relivers - they are recreations of humanity. If he saw Yves not as himself, but instead as a 'reliver'... then he would not think that he hurt Yves himself, no?
[ ugh. he shifts a little as chrono leans into him - provides a steady surface for him to melt against, especially when he takes a deep breath and mentions the burns, and he gently tilts his head to rest it on top of chrono's as he thinks. he makes good points, too. ]
You are right, though - it is odd. The smoke was some kind of drug. [ OUR POOR HIGH LUCAS AND DEL ] So... perhaps because, even though he may not have seen "Yves" as "Yves", the person there still looked like his dear student, and thus: Lucas felt that he might not be able to complete the 'mission' he was assigned, even if there was no mission at all. That you said that he drifted... it may be a traumatic response.
The body placement is particularly what inclined me towards Lucas: I cannot imagine anyone else having done that.
I guess, but why admit to hurting the others so easily? It's probably not the same kind of... trigger, maybe, but still.
[ why are there burns every week. hate it here so much. he closes his eyes as taair's head rests on his, and tries to pull his thoughts in order. ]
The smoke being drugged is... really what I keep comin' back to. Mr. Lucas doesn't seem like the type to do somethin' like that. And if the damage was all him today, it doesn't seem like he would've needed it. [ the hand not holding his bottle of juice skates nervously through his hair instead. ] Maybe... maybe this confusion is the point. Tryin' to make us doubt each other.
Mm. In the end, the only one who can tell us is Lucas himself - but you could always write Yves and ask, too. I think that he would be happy to hear from you, no matter what the subject.
[ jack contentedly flutters off at this point. goodbye dove. but otherwise, he stays focused on his words, listening to chrono's point of view - he's thoughtful, and they're all good points to make. ]
... It would not surprise me if that is the case. We are near the end of our time here, after all. [ ... ] It means we must do our best not to let it overtake us. Yes?
I'm definitely plannin' on it. Seems kind of terrible to be like "hey, how did you die" on top of it all, but I guess he's not the type to mind.
[ gooby jack... see you later. these thoughts aren't going to leave him quickly - or at all, until answers are made more clear - but taair is right. it's not right to give up to despair now, not so close. ]
Yes. [ what if he just napped here, for a minute. he's so drained. not even the orange juice is helping. ] Talkin' with you always makes me feel better, Taair.
[ awww... you know, despite all the horrors of the day, this comment puts a smile on taair's face - soft and warm and very genuine. ]
I'm glad to hear it, my friend. [ nothing could make him happier, truly. ] I think you have many fine points to make, and your thoughts are as ever heading down the right path - if I can help you walk that path with a clear head, then I'm always happy to do so.
[ there's a soft hum. ] Perhaps I can tell you a story, if you'd like. Something to take your mind off of it. What do you think?
[ it's sincere, too. taair is a bastion of temperance and calm, but with a heart that feels as deeply as any - it's a rare combination, and one chrono thinks himself so lucky to have been able to become close to.
he'll right himself a little, lean a bit less heavily, but maintain their casual contact. he doesn't actually want to doze off during a story from taair. ]
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historicals) wrote2025-02-08 04:45 pm
no subject
ah. bird. with his usual trepidation around animals, he'll reach out to gently stroke its head. ]
Is that so. [ the flatness to his tone is edged with defeat. ] It sounds like where they came from was a difficult place to live.
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[ i know he's the goodest boy.
the bird seems to enjoy this - it rubs into his finger gently. fwiend
that tone worries taair, though - after a moment, he shifts where he's sitting to gently lean his shoulder into chrono's. ]
Tell me what you're thinking, my friend.
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the only perhaps encouraging response is that he does lean back against taair's side with a shaky exhale. ]
I have some... bad thoughts. I don't know if I should say them out loud.
no subject
[ this is part of why he talked to birds, but more than that - he wants to reiterate that chrono can always do so with him, too. jack starts grooming at chrono's hair as he comes in closer. extra fuss. ]
I am always here to listen.
no subject
he knows there's logic in taair's words, and he's infinitely grateful for his presence and patience. but, as always, he doesn't wish to burden others with his own problems. especially not those already hurting. it takes a long time for him to resolve to trust in taair's words before his own emotions, as dulled as they currently felt. ]
I have this horrible feeling that we missed a lot. [ ...he grips his drink hard enough that the plastic makes a sound of protest. ] It doesn't add up. I- I don't think it was just Mr. Lucas.
no subject
It's natural to be afraid. After all, we've missed others before. [ all of these things are true, and said with taair's usual measured calmness, as he gives weight to the consideration for a moment, himself. ]
But... I do think we were correct - I do think they were all him. Not only was there evidence to match him at each sight, but...
From what I have heard from others, in the span of his memories, it is not the first time he has killed more than one person, either. [ which is like. devastating, actually, considering the circumstances - he bites his lip, brow furrowing briefly. ] I believe that it is likely the 'entity' manipulated him into thinking that Yves, Jacopo and Saber were all "relivers" as opposed to people. And in the doctrine of his church, 'relivers' must be killed.
no subject
I went to go see him. When we talked... he was insistent about not hurting Yves. He kind of... drifted, when I asked about it more. But for Saber-san and Mr. Jacopo, there wasn't a problem.
[ a thought breaks his expression, then. a reminder of his own moments of uncertainty. drifting. the mental oilslick that thoughts simply skated off. ]
I guess... it could be repression. After all that. But there's still things that don't make sense, like the smoke and the [ exhales. ] burns. Compared to the other two, that kind of thing just doesn't match.
no subject
I must wonder if he even thought of Yves as "Yves". The relivers - they are recreations of humanity. If he saw Yves not as himself, but instead as a 'reliver'... then he would not think that he hurt Yves himself, no?
[ ugh. he shifts a little as chrono leans into him - provides a steady surface for him to melt against, especially when he takes a deep breath and mentions the burns, and he gently tilts his head to rest it on top of chrono's as he thinks. he makes good points, too. ]
You are right, though - it is odd. The smoke was some kind of drug. [ OUR POOR HIGH LUCAS AND DEL ] So... perhaps because, even though he may not have seen "Yves" as "Yves", the person there still looked like his dear student, and thus: Lucas felt that he might not be able to complete the 'mission' he was assigned, even if there was no mission at all. That you said that he drifted... it may be a traumatic response.
The body placement is particularly what inclined me towards Lucas: I cannot imagine anyone else having done that.
no subject
[ why are there burns every week. hate it here so much. he closes his eyes as taair's head rests on his, and tries to pull his thoughts in order. ]
The smoke being drugged is... really what I keep comin' back to. Mr. Lucas doesn't seem like the type to do somethin' like that. And if the damage was all him today, it doesn't seem like he would've needed it. [ the hand not holding his bottle of juice skates nervously through his hair instead. ] Maybe... maybe this confusion is the point. Tryin' to make us doubt each other.
no subject
[ jack contentedly flutters off at this point. goodbye dove. but otherwise, he stays focused on his words, listening to chrono's point of view - he's thoughtful, and they're all good points to make. ]
... It would not surprise me if that is the case. We are near the end of our time here, after all. [ ... ] It means we must do our best not to let it overtake us. Yes?
no subject
[ gooby jack... see you later. these thoughts aren't going to leave him quickly - or at all, until answers are made more clear - but taair is right. it's not right to give up to despair now, not so close. ]
Yes. [ what if he just napped here, for a minute. he's so drained. not even the orange juice is helping. ] Talkin' with you always makes me feel better, Taair.
no subject
I'm glad to hear it, my friend. [ nothing could make him happier, truly. ] I think you have many fine points to make, and your thoughts are as ever heading down the right path - if I can help you walk that path with a clear head, then I'm always happy to do so.
[ there's a soft hum. ] Perhaps I can tell you a story, if you'd like. Something to take your mind off of it. What do you think?
no subject
he'll right himself a little, lean a bit less heavily, but maintain their casual contact. he doesn't actually want to doze off during a story from taair. ]
Mhmm. I'd like to hear one.