[ he's quiet, for a moment - a companionable thing in the face of such loss and suffering. of such heavy, heavy weight.
and when taair does speak again, his gaze stays outwards, chin on his knees. ]
...I have always found the horizon to be a soothing sight. When I was quite young... when things in the place that I lived became unbearable, I used to climb out of my window, and onto the roof. I'd sit there for hours - staring at the stars, but staring out, more so, at the long stretch of the horizon. At the walls of the place that I lived, the city gates, and from that high vantage point, I could see even further, until things turned from streets to rolling hills.
[ all the way out to the borders of the states, if he tried. as he tells this little story, the air around taair is not as light as it had been just a few moments ago - there's a melancholy that settles over him, his smile, his gentle voice. ]
I used to imagine that I was a bird. I'd pretend that I could fly free of where I was - far, far away, over the Vlder Mountains and the Iria River. And I would make up great stories about the things I did when I landed, where I would make friends, and we would travel together. Laugh together, cry together, have great adventures together, and spend our days in company.
[ ...
he seems to realize what he's saying a bit late - there's a soft huff, and he shakes his head. ]
[Lucas tends to turn his body toward others when they're speaking - a way of showing they have his full attention. And Taair does, in this moment, painting this picture of the far-off, distant place from a point in the past that he himself would and could never be familiar with. laughs in memshares. Despite the melancholic air, it's beautiful in a way.
His head cants a little to the side when Taair seems to shake himself out of it, and his smile has a softness to it.]
I'm taking it you weren't able to travel all that much in your youth... [Both due to this and for a few of the other things he's said in their short time knowing one another.] ...I wish that this wasn't a place you had to add on to your adventures.
[This heaven sucks he wants a refund for all of them.]
...Not in my youth. [ mostly because the majority of his youth is [redacted] its fine
taair considers what he's going to say, stopping himself as he looks at him. he likes lucas enough, and... as the days pass, it becomes more obvious, so - he returns the soft smile, too, and the depth of his melancholy is unfathomable. ] Not in my youth, and not at all. Adventures... to make that word plural is generous.
I left the place that I lived once. For one week. This is the longest I have ever been away.
[DIGS THAT REDACTED OUT OF THE DIRT WIHT MY BARE HANDS
Anyway holy shit! That's wild! Lucas has never left his home either but at least it's a wholeass island that still has a decent amount of room to roam, and not just a... city? A building, even? Lucas's expression creases with sympathy and concern, especially over the melancholy.]
Ah... Taair... [Soft, quiet. After a second, he reaches out, gently resting a hand against his arm.] ...I had wondered, a bit, but I didn't think it was so much of your time. So much of your life.
[ the corner of his mouth lifts - a little rueful, a lot wry. ]
Anything before it, I do not really remember. [ yay memloss ] ...I have been trying to hide it, where I can. But I feel that the longer time we all spend together, the more clear it becomes.
To spend time with all of you and receive your kindness - I feel so lucky. [ he glances over at lucas as he says it - dipping his head gently in acknowledgement at the hand on his arm. ] It amplifies our smallest moments. But it aggrandizes the despair of the worst, too. So... I must come to take both, and learn from the best and the worst. Days like today...
I think it says a lot of our group, that we are so compassionate. We think not of cruelty, when we're given these circumstances, but of how to find mercy. How best to handle our despair. We think so often of others, and not of ourselves. And so, perhaps the moments I find the most precious here, that are worthy of experience - it is the moments I spend with all of you.
[NOT THE MEMLOSS WHAT IS HAPPENING OUT THERE. Honestly, not being able to remember sounds horrible, and his expression is soft in the slight hurt of his sympathy.]
...I do think it might be something that will be broached more often in the coming weeks.
[Just. Something for him to prepare for, he supposes. Another accidental intrusion that none of them can really help.]
But I also agree that there is a bounty of compassion to be had here. Kindness and consideration, even from the prickliest among us. [Even Dan showed care in his own terrible nightmare emo goth child way.] So I believe that, even should your circumstances come to wider light, you'll find support and kindness among us. ...I don't know that I can do anything to support you, but I would like to try, as well.
Those great adventures that I dreamed of were made up not just of my travels, but of dear friends. Every moment that I'm able to interact with you all - spend time with you, talk to you, get to know you - is one that I cherish beyond all measure, because it is something I've never had before. The fact that we can sit here as friends and talk about the terrors we've been through... even that is so precious to me that I cannot begin to explain.
I think... sometimes it is very obvious. Others have told me I am sheltered - [ and here, there's a soft little laugh, because he finds this genuinely funny ] - and they have no idea to the extent!
But I digress - spending time together like this. That's all I could ever ask for. Though... if you'd like to tell me a bit of your story and your life, I would certainly never complain.
[The genuine warmth is received with only just a touch of hesitance, because he still can't help but feel that he really hasn't done much, if anything. All the same, even if there are certainly sorrows weaved throughout their current circumstances, it's not terrible to hear that someone is finding important things to keep among the pain. He's very much of the same mindset, after all.]
I do hope that the terrors will rest for a moment... [A bit tiredly. PLEASE NO MORE HORRORS.] But I don't think it's a bad thing at all, finding good in even the worst of situations. And if this is something for you to cherish, then I hope you'll be able to cherish it with all of your heart, and no regrets.
[NOT THE SHELTERED COMMENT AAAA THEY DON'T KNOW THIS BINCH IS RAPUNZEL.]
I think that for someone who's spent so much of their life isolated, it's far less obvious than one might think... But true enough, those moments will surely show through. [The sheltered moments...] I'll be happy to lend my company whenever you might like it, though. I could speak a bit of my story, as well, but it's not very thrilling.
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no subject
[ there's a very soft laugh - as he disappears, he sits back, and adjusts his blanket nest so there's space for lucas to come join him. ]
The both of you... your kindness and care for others never ceases to warm my soul. Thank you, Lucas. I may take you up on it - but come, sit.
[ pat pat. ]
no subject
[But he'll scoot on over to come join him scoot scoot scoot. A glance out toward the shoreline...]
Ah, the view really is something special, isn't it?
no subject
[ he's quiet, for a moment - a companionable thing in the face of such loss and suffering. of such heavy, heavy weight.
and when taair does speak again, his gaze stays outwards, chin on his knees. ]
...I have always found the horizon to be a soothing sight. When I was quite young... when things in the place that I lived became unbearable, I used to climb out of my window, and onto the roof. I'd sit there for hours - staring at the stars, but staring out, more so, at the long stretch of the horizon. At the walls of the place that I lived, the city gates, and from that high vantage point, I could see even further, until things turned from streets to rolling hills.
[ all the way out to the borders of the states, if he tried. as he tells this little story, the air around taair is not as light as it had been just a few moments ago - there's a melancholy that settles over him, his smile, his gentle voice. ]
I used to imagine that I was a bird. I'd pretend that I could fly free of where I was - far, far away, over the Vlder Mountains and the Iria River. And I would make up great stories about the things I did when I landed, where I would make friends, and we would travel together. Laugh together, cry together, have great adventures together, and spend our days in company.
[ ...
he seems to realize what he's saying a bit late - there's a soft huff, and he shakes his head. ]
...I digress. It is a special sight, indeed.
no subject
His head cants a little to the side when Taair seems to shake himself out of it, and his smile has a softness to it.]
I'm taking it you weren't able to travel all that much in your youth... [Both due to this and for a few of the other things he's said in their short time knowing one another.] ...I wish that this wasn't a place you had to add on to your adventures.
[This heaven sucks he wants a refund for all of them.]
no subject
...Not in my youth. [ mostly because the majority of his youth is [redacted] its fine
taair considers what he's going to say, stopping himself as he looks at him. he likes lucas enough, and... as the days pass, it becomes more obvious, so - he returns the soft smile, too, and the depth of his melancholy is unfathomable. ] Not in my youth, and not at all. Adventures... to make that word plural is generous.
I left the place that I lived once. For one week. This is the longest I have ever been away.
no subject
Anyway holy shit! That's wild! Lucas has never left his home either but at least it's a wholeass island that still has a decent amount of room to roam, and not just a... city? A building, even? Lucas's expression creases with sympathy and concern, especially over the melancholy.]
Ah... Taair... [Soft, quiet. After a second, he reaches out, gently resting a hand against his arm.] ...I had wondered, a bit, but I didn't think it was so much of your time. So much of your life.
no subject
Anything before it, I do not really remember. [ yay memloss ] ...I have been trying to hide it, where I can. But I feel that the longer time we all spend together, the more clear it becomes.
To spend time with all of you and receive your kindness - I feel so lucky. [ he glances over at lucas as he says it - dipping his head gently in acknowledgement at the hand on his arm. ] It amplifies our smallest moments. But it aggrandizes the despair of the worst, too. So... I must come to take both, and learn from the best and the worst. Days like today...
I think it says a lot of our group, that we are so compassionate. We think not of cruelty, when we're given these circumstances, but of how to find mercy. How best to handle our despair. We think so often of others, and not of ourselves. And so, perhaps the moments I find the most precious here, that are worthy of experience - it is the moments I spend with all of you.
no subject
...I do think it might be something that will be broached more often in the coming weeks.
[Just. Something for him to prepare for, he supposes. Another accidental intrusion that none of them can really help.]
But I also agree that there is a bounty of compassion to be had here. Kindness and consideration, even from the prickliest among us. [Even Dan showed care in his own terrible nightmare emo goth child way.] So I believe that, even should your circumstances come to wider light, you'll find support and kindness among us. ...I don't know that I can do anything to support you, but I would like to try, as well.
no subject
[ taair says immediately - warm, genuine. ]
Those great adventures that I dreamed of were made up not just of my travels, but of dear friends. Every moment that I'm able to interact with you all - spend time with you, talk to you, get to know you - is one that I cherish beyond all measure, because it is something I've never had before. The fact that we can sit here as friends and talk about the terrors we've been through... even that is so precious to me that I cannot begin to explain.
I think... sometimes it is very obvious. Others have told me I am sheltered - [ and here, there's a soft little laugh, because he finds this genuinely funny ] - and they have no idea to the extent!
But I digress - spending time together like this. That's all I could ever ask for. Though... if you'd like to tell me a bit of your story and your life, I would certainly never complain.
no subject
I do hope that the terrors will rest for a moment... [A bit tiredly. PLEASE NO MORE HORRORS.] But I don't think it's a bad thing at all, finding good in even the worst of situations. And if this is something for you to cherish, then I hope you'll be able to cherish it with all of your heart, and no regrets.
[NOT THE SHELTERED COMMENT AAAA THEY DON'T KNOW THIS BINCH IS RAPUNZEL.]
I think that for someone who's spent so much of their life isolated, it's far less obvious than one might think... But true enough, those moments will surely show through. [The sheltered moments...] I'll be happy to lend my company whenever you might like it, though. I could speak a bit of my story, as well, but it's not very thrilling.
[Said in a mild tone of jest.]