oh...! he does not mind at all the company - in fact, taair's expression warms up when he sees who it is, and as the cookie is offered, he takes it. it's a sweet gesture, and there's a soft huff. ]
Fidelio... thank you. [ edibles for the bird. he does unwrap it, though it's a bit slowly, a bit distracted. ] I've never tried anything like this before - though, I imagine, that's probably not that surprising...
Well, thank her if you like it, all I did was shove it in a bag.
[ he frowns, rubbing the side of his neck; he's not that comfortable with people worrying over him anyway, but especially not when he wasn't the one executing his friend in front of an audience a few hours ago. ]
That's more a question for you than it is for me today.
[ a little sincerity in return as ever, but he'll drop it as the subject is brought up to the day's event, his hands briefly curling against the napkin around the cookie as he stops. ]
...mmn. [ soft. ] I cannot say I am well, necessarily, but... I am here. [ he survived. and mostly came out of it unscathed, save for a bump on the noggin and a slap in the face. emotionally, mentally though - that's another story. ] Last night, I tried to think of the rationale of the weeks before, and... it made sense. In a way, I had already started preparing myself.
...Yeah, I think most of us were probably worrying it'd be you, seein' how hard you took it yesterday. Seems like it always goes to whoever's closest to 'em.
... I have not ever been so lucky as to have a close bond as a sibling. But... if I was to ever even imagine what it must feel like, I must wonder if that is how it felt. Someone who you felt closer to than anyone. Who you felt you could trust, who you told your secrets, and who told you theirs in exchange. For being a bit younger than me... she always made me feel like I was the younger one - but not in a bad way.
[ protective. caring. she looked out for taair like an older sibling would, and he doesn't have the experience to put that feeling into vocabulary. ] Even today. Not even in her right mind, and she still scolded me. She called me a coward.
[ ah... shite. he'd only ever talked to her a few times himself, and had never really gotten to know her. it had been obvious from the end of the trial that taair cared a lot about her, but he'd had no idea they'd shared anything like that.
it's not the same as him and basilio, he thinks, but they'd had others who weren't related to them who they'd thought of as siblings before too. vinca and some of the other paripus kids back at the facility... they hadn't been together all that long, but the shared situation they'd found themselves in together had forced them to bond hard and fast. he can see how a situation like this could have led to something similar, especially for two people who didn't already have someone else from their worlds here.
[ "was" feels harder to say than he's expecting it to- he almost trips on it, the word heavy as lead, as he looks down at the little cookie in his lap. ]
Though, she'd never agree. And... stubborn, too. [ a soft huff of a laugh - there's a melancholy fondness that sinks into his phrasing. ] Yesterday, I should have known she wouldn't have confessed to me. She hates to be wrong more than anything.
[ ... ]
I miss her terribly already, Fidelio. It's hard, to watch someone who has been fighting off their demons be taken by them against their will, and... it's harder still, to know there's nothing you can do to save them, no matter how much you want to.
[ more easily than he wants to. he still remembers seeing other test subjects losing themselves and being put down like animals — not that he'd had any idea what melancholia was at the time. ]
Been terrified of it happening every day since that first trial.
[ he thinks back for a moment to what he was told just a little earlier in the week - the casual mention of his earlier death. how terrifying it must feel, to know that you could lose yourself, but that you could lose your family for to an infection out of nowhere. how awful it is, when it hits. empathy twinges hard in his chest, and he nods. ]
I don't blame you. [ it is terrifying. it scares him too. he'd want to be put down if he hurt anyone - he wouldn't be able to live with himself. to have hit close to home was devastating. ]
...I think... at least - at least we don't have to go through it alone. For every awful moment, they are amplified by the better that we spend together. [ finally, he glances over - meets his gaze, with a tiny smile. ] ...Right?
[ that's... a difficult thing for him to agree with, and he hesitates in responding. at first, he'd been grateful for the chance to spend more time with basilio here even though he hated that he'd had to die for it to happen. now... he'd give anything to just send him back to their world and get him out of this situation, even if it meant never seeing him again. ]
Not sayin' I don't appreciate spending time with people here, but...
...Honestly, I'd rather be stuck as the only person in this whole bloody place if it'd mean puttin' an end to all this.
[ oh. there's a beat of surprise, eyes wide - but taair listens, and the statement takes him a little off guard, though... it really shouldn't.
the surprise melts into something softer, and he huffs. ] ...I never thought of it that way.
[ a new perspective. it reminds him for a moment of the miners, and for not the first time since they've met, taair finds himself thinking that fidelio is so, so brave. the true picture of an elder brother, too. fiercely protective. loving. a streak of protectiveness two miles wide. it's admirable, really, and he likes that about him a lot. ]
... It takes quite a bit of courage to follow that path. [ he says, softly, after a moment's pause, reflecting back a little smile. ] And though I'd never wish that type of pain or suffering upon you, or anyone... I see what you mean.
We will have to keep pushing to stop it, and set things right. Though it feels like a pointless struggle, some days... the steps we take forward are steps forward. Slow as they may be. The only thing we have to fear is our numbness and indifference, after all.
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oh...! he does not mind at all the company - in fact, taair's expression warms up when he sees who it is, and as the cookie is offered, he takes it. it's a sweet gesture, and there's a soft huff. ]
Fidelio... thank you. [ edibles for the bird. he does unwrap it, though it's a bit slowly, a bit distracted. ] I've never tried anything like this before - though, I imagine, that's probably not that surprising...
How are you holding up?
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[ he frowns, rubbing the side of his neck; he's not that comfortable with people worrying over him anyway, but especially not when he wasn't the one executing his friend in front of an audience a few hours ago. ]
That's more a question for you than it is for me today.
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[ a little sincerity in return as ever, but he'll drop it as the subject is brought up to the day's event, his hands briefly curling against the napkin around the cookie as he stops. ]
...mmn. [ soft. ] I cannot say I am well, necessarily, but... I am here. [ he survived. and mostly came out of it unscathed, save for a bump on the noggin and a slap in the face. emotionally, mentally though - that's another story. ] Last night, I tried to think of the rationale of the weeks before, and... it made sense. In a way, I had already started preparing myself.
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[ mm. he thinks maybe fidelio will get it. ]
... I have not ever been so lucky as to have a close bond as a sibling. But... if I was to ever even imagine what it must feel like, I must wonder if that is how it felt. Someone who you felt closer to than anyone. Who you felt you could trust, who you told your secrets, and who told you theirs in exchange. For being a bit younger than me... she always made me feel like I was the younger one - but not in a bad way.
[ protective. caring. she looked out for taair like an older sibling would, and he doesn't have the experience to put that feeling into vocabulary. ] Even today. Not even in her right mind, and she still scolded me. She called me a coward.
no subject
it's not the same as him and basilio, he thinks, but they'd had others who weren't related to them who they'd thought of as siblings before too. vinca and some of the other paripus kids back at the facility... they hadn't been together all that long, but the shared situation they'd found themselves in together had forced them to bond hard and fast. he can see how a situation like this could have led to something similar, especially for two people who didn't already have someone else from their worlds here.
he nods. ]
Sounds a little bit like it, yeah.
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[ "was" feels harder to say than he's expecting it to- he almost trips on it, the word heavy as lead, as he looks down at the little cookie in his lap. ]
Though, she'd never agree. And... stubborn, too. [ a soft huff of a laugh - there's a melancholy fondness that sinks into his phrasing. ] Yesterday, I should have known she wouldn't have confessed to me. She hates to be wrong more than anything.
[ ... ]
I miss her terribly already, Fidelio. It's hard, to watch someone who has been fighting off their demons be taken by them against their will, and... it's harder still, to know there's nothing you can do to save them, no matter how much you want to.
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[ more easily than he wants to. he still remembers seeing other test subjects losing themselves and being put down like animals — not that he'd had any idea what melancholia was at the time. ]
Been terrified of it happening every day since that first trial.
no subject
I don't blame you. [ it is terrifying. it scares him too. he'd want to be put down if he hurt anyone - he wouldn't be able to live with himself. to have hit close to home was devastating. ]
...I think... at least - at least we don't have to go through it alone. For every awful moment, they are amplified by the better that we spend together. [ finally, he glances over - meets his gaze, with a tiny smile. ] ...Right?
no subject
Not sayin' I don't appreciate spending time with people here, but...
...Honestly, I'd rather be stuck as the only person in this whole bloody place if it'd mean puttin' an end to all this.
no subject
the surprise melts into something softer, and he huffs. ] ...I never thought of it that way.
[ a new perspective. it reminds him for a moment of the miners, and for not the first time since they've met, taair finds himself thinking that fidelio is so, so brave. the true picture of an elder brother, too. fiercely protective. loving. a streak of protectiveness two miles wide. it's admirable, really, and he likes that about him a lot. ]
... It takes quite a bit of courage to follow that path. [ he says, softly, after a moment's pause, reflecting back a little smile. ] And though I'd never wish that type of pain or suffering upon you, or anyone... I see what you mean.
We will have to keep pushing to stop it, and set things right. Though it feels like a pointless struggle, some days... the steps we take forward are steps forward. Slow as they may be. The only thing we have to fear is our numbness and indifference, after all.