[ okay well now you've just set me up for this so FINE A DOUBLE MEMORY but you better give me a lucas one :beegun:
anyway. taair's not really paying attention to it until it's too late, and the mirrors shift to show precisely what happened in that palace. a bird's final flight. ]
[Oh. WELL. THIS ISN'T THE FRUSTRATION HE WAS EXPECTING BUT THIS IS ARGUABLY WORSE IN MANY WAYS!!!!!
Or rather, it's just... more of a sorrowful thing. To see someone pushed to the point where they'd take an arrow both out of the kindness of wanting to do something to save another life, but also out of sheer exhaustion from being trapped for so long, and seeing a future that consists of only gilded bars.
Taair is able to die seeing the beautiful river, but even as the emotions bleed out through the mirrors, Lucas' own exist alongside them. Tragic... Tragic, what a tragic thing. A tragic story, a tragic life. People do such horrendous things for greed and power and selfish want for more, and even though he sees it in his own home, it takes a vastly different form compared to places that know war.
Seeing his final interactions, seeing the way the woman - Samantha - attempts so desperately to save him... Knowing that he slipped away to Heaven, only for it to fall so shy of the ideal so many of them had hoped for...
All of it is just. Tragic.]
...Your final moments, at least, were ones that you chose for yourself.
[Soft, first. He'll hold a hand out after a moment; palm up and open, an invitation.]
I do wish that there had been another path for you. Will you return to change things?
[ at this point, it's just kind of resignation - it's a little easier than trying to explain. maybe it's better than trying to lie, to agree kindly that yes, it was frustrating, of course, of course i felt that way, who wouldn't feel frustrated at their death.
but he didn't. all he felt was relief. right up until he got here, of course. right up until it got ruined. it is a tragedy - from beginning to end, taair khalisa nasir's life has been nothing but a tragedy, a long series of birdcages. a trapped prey animal, who never once had the chance to fly free. each moment of it felt like a gift.
he smiles a little to lucas' first comment - saying nothing, but it's a knowing smile, a soft one of agreement, and as he looks at the hand... eventually, he gently sets his in lucas'. delicate fingers. delicate little life. ]
I saved someone important to me. I don't regret the choices that I've made. [ but, of course the biggest choice of all remains.
he's quiet for a second, biting his lip. ] ...Yes. I... must. Iria needs a leader, and... I was working as much as I could to try and undermine things, though... things are very dire. But... if I stay in the heavens, or my soul gets lost, then I would just be running away.
[Sometimes you just get a real shit hand in life and have to do the best with it. It's a tragedy, but Lucas doesn't pity Taair for it. Rather, as he lets his fingers gently curl around the hand in his own, he thinks about the type of strength that it takes to endure such a life. Would he have been able to? Doing your best all by yourself is such a difficult thing.]
I should expect not. [Faintly, almost lightly, a bit of levity in an otherwise dark and dire situation. He would certainly not expect Taair to ever regret throwing away his own life to safe the life of another.
At the rest, though, he's quiet again. Many people are choosing to pass up on their chance at paradise, and he isn't surprised to hear it. It's a bit sad, too, but it's not surprising at all. He could say a lot, and a few things drift through his mind and land on his tongue, but eventually, he settles with something simple first.]
Yours is a brave and strong heart, my dear. When you return- [When, not if.] -then I will pray that the future you forge your way toward is a beautiful one, where you can properly spread your wings.
[ weh. it's sweet - though he's worried for what will become of him, taair is the most worried for his beloved homeland and the stress it will be under. it's one of those problems he shares with several others here, where the last thing he ever thinks about is himself, but... so long as he makes it to the end, there is time to make that decide.
lucas' kindnesses are as always appreciated, and his expression softens in return - his hand curls gently where lucas is holding it, squeezing. the levity gets him to duck his head briefly, too, a soft little huff escaping even in the dark moment of the maze. ]
You are too kind, my dear friend. [ truly. ] With the hopes of such kind people like you to lift it, I'm sure that it will. I think that Gamaliel will have my head, if I do not at least find a way to try.
[ gamaliel and like. four other people ]
And no matter what, I've found my way to this place, and to spend time with our group. It makes me feel a bit lucky, truthfully: even the worst of our moments here cannot damper my joy at getting to know and to learn all of you.
[TRULY THERE ARE SO MANY SELF-SACRIFICIAL FUCKERS IN THESE WOODS GET OUTTA HERE.
But people will be people. All anyone can do is their best, in the end; he isn't worried about Taair not doing that, at least.]
Only Gamaliel? [JUST CALLS HIM OUT he's so sure so many people would be on his ass. Even Lucas would be standing there frowning gently about it. But it really isn't a concern. He does think that Taair has the strength that it takes to forge his way to something better, both for the people he cares so dearly for and for himself.]
...I find myself feeling much the same, though. I don't find my time here to be a waste or a burden. The trials that we face are surely much more difficult than any person should have to handle, but it doesn't diminish the bonds or the good in what we've been able to have.
[Heaven isn't always good but you know what is? Friendship.]
which. he. laughs a little sheepishly about being called out, ducking his head. ha ha ha.... ]
Fair enough... [ yeah. more than gamaliel. a lot, actually. ] ... I think... I don't know. The situation is complex - I... don't really get to think just for myself, but for the good of the people around me. For the good of people of Iria, too. I have to make whatever choice will be the best for them, even if things at home are dire.
[ the best choice is actually probably staying here but convincing him of that is a long road.
lucas's comment makes him smile, though, and taair nods - reaching to clasp the hand he is holding in both of his own and give it a squeeze. ]
Yes. Yes, I agree entirely. And... Lucas, thank you - for yours, and for your kindness. I am better for having known you, my dear friend.
[NOT THE WAY STAYING WOULD BE BEST!!!!!! DAMMIT DANIEL. Lucas wouldn't even think to try to convince him since he's sure that Taair will choose the best option even though actually what he's seen of Taair so far indicates that he gets his own ass into trouble a lot. Girl.]
It sounds like a very complex situation to be in, but I have faith that you'll be able to make the right calls and do what you feel is necessary. [Said with a little smile.] I just pray that this time, you'll be able to reap the benefits of your own kindness...
[Hand sandwich... He looks touched at the gesture ueueue.]
You've stolen my words, my dear! Knowing you is a blessing, undoubtedly. [But he will gently gesture toward one of the corridors.] Let's find our way back out, shall we?
[ listen. it's fine. he would never do something like challenge a bunch of strong ass cultists to a fight by claiming to be a swordsman. who would do that. a crazy person.
anyway. he matches that little smile - and it grows further, when lucas makes his suggestion and his kindness alike. ]
Yes. Let's.
[ more assured and more bolstered, taair nods as he releases lucas' hand with one of his. we can stay hand in paw for now, to lead around a maze corner where surely, surely, another memshare won't be waiting..... ]
[Around the maze corner they go! And when they turn it... It's a memory of Lucas just failing to cut vegetables in the kitchen while making soup. He blinks.]
Oh, my.
[Oh, my...
i will memshare you properly later unless you're the KILLER in which case i'll backtag memshare you eyes narrow.......]
[ ok if YOU'RE the killer for not giving me GOOD MEMSHARES no im kidding because aki took mercy on me ANYWAY.
this is. well. this is a lot! it's familiar, is the thing. the doctrine of the church that lucas attends feels way too familiar - the chill of it curls down his spine, because it reminds him of caris, of samantha, of the Radiant. the radiant has brought so much goodness to many people, because the miracles of magical healing have saved many, many lives, but its dark sides are vicious and too familiar to taair, who lives in their golden birdcage.
the love for a sister, clearly ill, resonates too. and though the blood and the gore is not entirely unfamiliar after weeks here, there's something aching about watching lucas' hope restored by the action, the sacrifice of heart for health. it reminds him so, so much of the papal states, the way lucas reminds him of samantha, and it's -
he takes a deep breath as it finishes, and as the minister holds lucas teetering steady, taair tightens his grip on his hand. ]
[I WAS NICE TO MIETTE!!!!! I STOPPED KICKING MIETTE!!!!!!!
Anyway yeah that sure is a lot HUH. SOMETIMES THE CHURCH IS THE SAME EVERYWHERE. But it's fine, because Lucas doesn't watch this memory with anything other than the same faint calm he's watched almost all of his memories with. The ones that aren't false, anyway - strange fabrications that confuse him every time they appear.
For this, though, he just sighs and then looks toward Taair, giving his hands a little squeeze in return. There's something a little sympathetic in his expression.]
[ you were and then miette didnt tag you for a day because im the devil
anyway. boy howdy. he glances away from the glass as the memory finally stops, and continues to cycle again, expression a complicated mix of sorrow and understanding and... worry, the most. he squeezes lucas' hand where he's holding it, and then clasps it again between both of his. ]
...I am glad for your sister's health. [ first, immediately - very glad for that. ] It is no strangeness to me that the in our world, the Light of Sanctuary performs miracles, but...[ they do not involve (sisi's student voice) ripping out hearts, but they're not great either. samantha's warm hands, her healing, are a vast difference to what goes on in the dark of the mine pit. ]
How...long ago was this...? This is the same church that we visited when you and I were in the cave...?
It's fine though. Sometimes people just (sisi's student voice) rip hearts out. At least they are not then eating the hearts. He does, at least, look happy for the fact that Taair is glad for Nadia's health.]
...I understand that the church in your world is... flawed. [IT'S RUN BY A POWER-HUNGRY BOZO. He's trying to word it more delicately than that.] But I promise you that that isn't the case here. [A glance back toward the mirrors.]
He found my sister and I when I was on the run from our parents. I was fourteen at the time... And yes, it is. That church is used by members of many different faiths, and serves as a gathering point even for those who don't pray, but the Society of Exorcists did build it.
taair frowns a little further as lucas explains - he manages to keep the majority of troubled off of his face, but his brows knit together as he sets his free hand on his heart and looks at the reflection, of the little girl who lucas clearly loves with all of his soul, to give over everything to... to that.
he's not unfamiliar with the relivers, at least now - he's seen what happened in that strange alternate life, last week, and he's seen other memories from yves. and the 'yves' he met was certainly... something of an abomination, if only because of how strange it was, to have someone so lively, so bright, reduced down to near nothing. to have someone brought back in a facsimile of self, against their will.
but oh, boy, are there some ethical issues there. to say the least. what a complex, complicated place their arpechele is. ]
...It was kind of them to take the both of you in, too. [ but also. wow. he swallows, hard. ] Has your sister improved further, since...?
[IT'S FINE IT'S FINE IT'S FINE IT AIN'T EVEN A REAL HEART IT'S FINE.
But yeah! He gets it, kind of. The way in which Relivers make a mockery of life, in which they take a person that's so boundless and lovely and crush that person down into something that can be contained within a memory bank. Tragic. He's still seething over the notion that Yves had been made into a Reliver and left abandoned like that, even if it was just a strange, un-lived life. Every day he hates Scien more and more.]
It was. [Adamant. He owes his own life as well as Nadia's health to the fourth minister, and he's dogged in his protection of the man, even if it's been years since his death.] And she has, yes. Even God can't perform endless miracles, but the minister was also a brilliant doctor, and his successors have been skilled, as well. They've all worked tirelessly to try finding a true cure that doesn't rely on Scien Brofiise's technology.
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anyway. taair's not really paying attention to it until it's too late, and the mirrors shift to show precisely what happened in that palace. a bird's final flight. ]
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Or rather, it's just... more of a sorrowful thing. To see someone pushed to the point where they'd take an arrow both out of the kindness of wanting to do something to save another life, but also out of sheer exhaustion from being trapped for so long, and seeing a future that consists of only gilded bars.
Taair is able to die seeing the beautiful river, but even as the emotions bleed out through the mirrors, Lucas' own exist alongside them. Tragic... Tragic, what a tragic thing. A tragic story, a tragic life. People do such horrendous things for greed and power and selfish want for more, and even though he sees it in his own home, it takes a vastly different form compared to places that know war.
Seeing his final interactions, seeing the way the woman - Samantha - attempts so desperately to save him... Knowing that he slipped away to Heaven, only for it to fall so shy of the ideal so many of them had hoped for...
All of it is just. Tragic.]
...Your final moments, at least, were ones that you chose for yourself.
[Soft, first. He'll hold a hand out after a moment; palm up and open, an invitation.]
I do wish that there had been another path for you. Will you return to change things?
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but he didn't. all he felt was relief. right up until he got here, of course. right up until it got ruined. it is a tragedy - from beginning to end, taair khalisa nasir's life has been nothing but a tragedy, a long series of birdcages. a trapped prey animal, who never once had the chance to fly free. each moment of it felt like a gift.
he smiles a little to lucas' first comment - saying nothing, but it's a knowing smile, a soft one of agreement, and as he looks at the hand... eventually, he gently sets his in lucas'. delicate fingers. delicate little life. ]
I saved someone important to me. I don't regret the choices that I've made. [ but, of course the biggest choice of all remains.
he's quiet for a second, biting his lip. ] ...Yes. I... must. Iria needs a leader, and... I was working as much as I could to try and undermine things, though... things are very dire. But... if I stay in the heavens, or my soul gets lost, then I would just be running away.
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I should expect not. [Faintly, almost lightly, a bit of levity in an otherwise dark and dire situation. He would certainly not expect Taair to ever regret throwing away his own life to safe the life of another.
At the rest, though, he's quiet again. Many people are choosing to pass up on their chance at paradise, and he isn't surprised to hear it. It's a bit sad, too, but it's not surprising at all. He could say a lot, and a few things drift through his mind and land on his tongue, but eventually, he settles with something simple first.]
Yours is a brave and strong heart, my dear. When you return- [When, not if.] -then I will pray that the future you forge your way toward is a beautiful one, where you can properly spread your wings.
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lucas' kindnesses are as always appreciated, and his expression softens in return - his hand curls gently where lucas is holding it, squeezing. the levity gets him to duck his head briefly, too, a soft little huff escaping even in the dark moment of the maze. ]
You are too kind, my dear friend. [ truly. ] With the hopes of such kind people like you to lift it, I'm sure that it will. I think that Gamaliel will have my head, if I do not at least find a way to try.
[ gamaliel and like. four other people ]
And no matter what, I've found my way to this place, and to spend time with our group. It makes me feel a bit lucky, truthfully: even the worst of our moments here cannot damper my joy at getting to know and to learn all of you.
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But people will be people. All anyone can do is their best, in the end; he isn't worried about Taair not doing that, at least.]
Only Gamaliel? [JUST CALLS HIM OUT he's so sure so many people would be on his ass. Even Lucas would be standing there frowning gently about it. But it really isn't a concern. He does think that Taair has the strength that it takes to forge his way to something better, both for the people he cares so dearly for and for himself.]
...I find myself feeling much the same, though. I don't find my time here to be a waste or a burden. The trials that we face are surely much more difficult than any person should have to handle, but it doesn't diminish the bonds or the good in what we've been able to have.
[Heaven isn't always good but you know what is? Friendship.]
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which. he. laughs a little sheepishly about being called out, ducking his head. ha ha ha.... ]
Fair enough... [ yeah. more than gamaliel. a lot, actually. ] ... I think... I don't know. The situation is complex - I... don't really get to think just for myself, but for the good of the people around me. For the good of people of Iria, too. I have to make whatever choice will be the best for them, even if things at home are dire.
[ the best choice is actually probably staying here but convincing him of that is a long road.
lucas's comment makes him smile, though, and taair nods - reaching to clasp the hand he is holding in both of his own and give it a squeeze. ]
Yes. Yes, I agree entirely. And... Lucas, thank you - for yours, and for your kindness. I am better for having known you, my dear friend.
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It sounds like a very complex situation to be in, but I have faith that you'll be able to make the right calls and do what you feel is necessary. [Said with a little smile.] I just pray that this time, you'll be able to reap the benefits of your own kindness...
[Hand sandwich... He looks touched at the gesture ueueue.]
You've stolen my words, my dear! Knowing you is a blessing, undoubtedly. [But he will gently gesture toward one of the corridors.] Let's find our way back out, shall we?
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anyway. he matches that little smile - and it grows further, when lucas makes his suggestion and his kindness alike. ]
Yes. Let's.
[ more assured and more bolstered, taair nods as he releases lucas' hand with one of his. we can stay hand in paw for now, to lead around a maze corner where surely, surely, another memshare won't be waiting..... ]
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Oh, my.
[Oh, my...
i will memshare you properly later unless you're the KILLER in which case i'll backtag memshare you eyes narrow.......]
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this is. well. this is a lot! it's familiar, is the thing. the doctrine of the church that lucas attends feels way too familiar - the chill of it curls down his spine, because it reminds him of caris, of samantha, of the Radiant. the radiant has brought so much goodness to many people, because the miracles of magical healing have saved many, many lives, but its dark sides are vicious and too familiar to taair, who lives in their golden birdcage.
the love for a sister, clearly ill, resonates too. and though the blood and the gore is not entirely unfamiliar after weeks here, there's something aching about watching lucas' hope restored by the action, the sacrifice of heart for health. it reminds him so, so much of the papal states, the way lucas reminds him of samantha, and it's -
he takes a deep breath as it finishes, and as the minister holds lucas teetering steady, taair tightens his grip on his hand. ]
...Oh, Lucas...
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Anyway yeah that sure is a lot HUH. SOMETIMES THE CHURCH IS THE SAME EVERYWHERE. But it's fine, because Lucas doesn't watch this memory with anything other than the same faint calm he's watched almost all of his memories with. The ones that aren't false, anyway - strange fabrications that confuse him every time they appear.
For this, though, he just sighs and then looks toward Taair, giving his hands a little squeeze in return. There's something a little sympathetic in his expression.]
There's no need to sound so sad, my dear.
[What he witnessed was a miracle, after all.]
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anyway. boy howdy. he glances away from the glass as the memory finally stops, and continues to cycle again, expression a complicated mix of sorrow and understanding and... worry, the most. he squeezes lucas' hand where he's holding it, and then clasps it again between both of his. ]
...I am glad for your sister's health. [ first, immediately - very glad for that. ] It is no strangeness to me that the in our world, the Light of Sanctuary performs miracles, but...[ they do not involve (sisi's student voice) ripping out hearts, but they're not great either. samantha's warm hands, her healing, are a vast difference to what goes on in the dark of the mine pit. ]
How...long ago was this...? This is the same church that we visited when you and I were in the cave...?
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It's fine though. Sometimes people just (sisi's student voice) rip hearts out. At least they are not then eating the hearts. He does, at least, look happy for the fact that Taair is glad for Nadia's health.]
...I understand that the church in your world is... flawed. [IT'S RUN BY A POWER-HUNGRY BOZO. He's trying to word it more delicately than that.] But I promise you that that isn't the case here. [A glance back toward the mirrors.]
He found my sister and I when I was on the run from our parents. I was fourteen at the time... And yes, it is. That church is used by members of many different faiths, and serves as a gathering point even for those who don't pray, but the Society of Exorcists did build it.
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taair frowns a little further as lucas explains - he manages to keep the majority of troubled off of his face, but his brows knit together as he sets his free hand on his heart and looks at the reflection, of the little girl who lucas clearly loves with all of his soul, to give over everything to... to that.
he's not unfamiliar with the relivers, at least now - he's seen what happened in that strange alternate life, last week, and he's seen other memories from yves. and the 'yves' he met was certainly... something of an abomination, if only because of how strange it was, to have someone so lively, so bright, reduced down to near nothing. to have someone brought back in a facsimile of self, against their will.
but oh, boy, are there some ethical issues there. to say the least. what a complex, complicated place their arpechele is. ]
...It was kind of them to take the both of you in, too. [ but also. wow. he swallows, hard. ] Has your sister improved further, since...?
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But yeah! He gets it, kind of. The way in which Relivers make a mockery of life, in which they take a person that's so boundless and lovely and crush that person down into something that can be contained within a memory bank. Tragic. He's still seething over the notion that Yves had been made into a Reliver and left abandoned like that, even if it was just a strange, un-lived life. Every day he hates Scien more and more.]
It was. [Adamant. He owes his own life as well as Nadia's health to the fourth minister, and he's dogged in his protection of the man, even if it's been years since his death.] And she has, yes. Even God can't perform endless miracles, but the minister was also a brilliant doctor, and his successors have been skilled, as well. They've all worked tirelessly to try finding a true cure that doesn't rely on Scien Brofiise's technology.