historicals | pc catchall | turboheaven

[ well, haha, you see

he looks down, absently twisting one of the yellow flower petals sticking out of his bandages between his fingers. ]

... These flowers - they were the same that General Jing Yuan had, last week. I know now what they are - the disease of the mara-struck. It is an illness that strikes long-lived creatures, and while I am not one of those normally, I was, in that strange place. The onset is typically quite slow, but over time, it will eventually consume the patient's consciousness until they have gone mad, and must be put down. However, it was exacerbated by stress and trauma - it could grow far faster, take over quite quicker, and so on.

The enemy general was a wolf - a borisin, they are called, and foxians are their natural prey. So... when he allowed me a moment to go investigate something, I did something that I knew would upset him, though that - wasn't really the motivation for it, at the time. When I returned to him, he...

[ ah. he stops himself, there - opens his mouth, closes it, and presses his lips together briefly, then gives her a small smile. ]

It... it is not a pleasant story, Miss Eupha.

[ she listens very carefully as he explains the illness, a distant look on her face for a few moments before she brings her attention back to focus on taair. ]

If you hesitate for worry of upsetting me, please know that it is not so easily done.

[ but perhaps he hesitates for himself... in which case, she can't exactly force him... ]

[ there's a little huff, fond. ]

I... no, of course. You know, Miss Eupha... I see quite a bit of myself in you.

[ kindred souls. just from what little he knows, there's something that feels very, very familiar. ] And I know I would very much say the same. But... very well.

[ he takes a deep breath. closes his eyes. holds the breath for a moment, steady. tries not to let himself flash back to the xianzhou. to the borisin holding him by the face. ]

...The borisin, as I knew there, feast upon blood and flesh as a rite of battle, and for their own sustenance. And so, when I returned to speak with him, I did not answer his questions in a way that pleased him. I knew the moment the sentence was out of my mouth, he would be infuriated, and my use to him as anything more than a prey animal would end.

And, so... I allowed him to consume as much blood and flesh as he wanted. [ of mine. ] Because I knew the extreme pain of being torn apart would accelerate the mara-struck condition - and because the amount of blood and flesh he consumed was so gluttonous, he was immediately consumed by the mara, and it destroyed him.

At least... I am fairly sure that it did. The last thing I remembered was seeing the flowers burst from his flesh.

[ oh. damn. that is actually very intense. even as she tries not to react too strongly, her eyes widen and her face pales. ]

That...

It must have been horrible. It seems a miracle that you returned to us.

[ (taair voice) i respect you and think that you are very strong and can handle a lot of information no matter how horrifying but also, there was vore involved

he takes a deep breath as he finishes, trying not to let himself drift back into the pain, the sense memory all teeth and blood and violence. one beat. two, three.

and then an exhale back out. ]

... yes. I... thought there would be no surviving. In fact, I am nearly sure I did not. But... when the disease took over me, perhaps it salvaged what remained - and... returning here, I think, may have healed some of the injuries, too since I...well. Dying is how we got here.

... I am sorry that you endured such suffering. And grateful that you still sit beside me now.

[ Charlie died, and was lost to them. If Taair died, he could very well have ended up the same way. ]

Those flowers... [ hesitant. ] Does the disease still...?

I'm grateful, too.

[ he turns his head to give her a small smile, genuine. because, yeah. he could have never returned, or, worse... he could have been that armored thing, lost to nothing but madness.

eupha asks the same question that's been weighing on his mind. he glances down at one of the remaining flowers. ]

...And... I'm not sure. [ man he got eaten the least he could do is get cured about it. ] But... I've already told Mizu, if it does - if I lose myself - then I do not want to live a second long enough to harm someone else.

[ there's no hesitation there, not even any sadness to it - just a sort of quiet strength, a determination. ]

Jiaoqiu said, though, that because it is falling off and not blooming further, it is a good sign. So...we will just have to wait and see.

... I understand.

[ she cannot criticize his choice. she would surely choose the same. ]

I am no healer, so all I can offer are my hopes that you will recover from this.

pc catchall | turboheaven | eupha

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